Dedicated Server

Millions to manifest
Last night before bed I was reading E-Squared: Nine Do-It-Yourself Energy Experiments That Prove Your Thoughts Create Your Reality. It says a lot of things that I at once both believe and discredit, which is of course one of the challenges to energetically manifesting anything in life: If I'm pulling in two different belief directions, energy-sperm has trouble meeting energy-egg and growing the energy into something viable.

That makes me realize that at the very heart of my life, I have been willing to go around in circles while I try and figure out what is true with a capital T. As I balanced the book’s message with a life review I fell asleep thinking it’s high time I manifest the reality I really wanted all along: millions of dollars to change the world. Then this morning, before I could get dressed and buy lottery tickets, I woke up thinking what I really wanted to create was millions of words to change the world. Which is good, because while I have no current prospects for millions of dollars, I am realizing I may have been a words-and-deeds millionaire for some time now.

Dedicated server
I’ve been musing about dedicating one’s life ever since hearing a commercial for UCSF Medical Center in which a doctor says she has dedicated her life to her patients. I realized I had dedicated my life when I wrote "One Woman's Song for Love." It was 1982. Nuclear war rhetoric was in the news and ramping up as President Reagan removed the US from the Comprehensive Test Ban Treaty Talks in Geneva and began producing more neutron bombs for the US and NATO. I remember feeling so disheartened, discouraged, frightened and hopeless. I didn't know what I could do: Writing my congress folk - important yes, but not powerful enough to stop this. Speaking out yes - but not powerful enough to change anything. Then it came to me: all I could do was dedicate myself to the opposite. And "One Woman's Song for Love" flowed out.

As a song itself, I am proud of the way it is crafted, because very few words in the English language rhyme with love and fewer still rhyme in a conversational way (The dictionary says 9 words rhyme, I say 7 “olive?” “octave?”come on ) I think I largely pulled it off because the message still moves forward in a largely conversational way.

As a dedication, I have heard the energetic essence of the song playing in the background of my consciousness for almost 40 years now, the core message shaping so many of my daily interactions as a mother, wife, artist, writer, student, coach. It is the basis of my many imperatives. I realize it is where I have invested my energetic capital to the detriment of amassing a fortune of ego, money, or reputation (maybe to a fault, now that I missed the retirement fund boat, and fear I’m too worn out to build something else to float me in my old age — but that's another story about estrogen and wisdom).

Manifest Destiny
So that brings me back to building a reframe around my picture of a how to live a valuable life: Contrary to all the material noise that tells me I never “made it,” I may have accomplished some of the difference I so hoped to make when I dreamed of becoming a famous songwriter in the 80’s. Even though I am unknown beyond my family and small circle of friends and clients my dedication to loving words and deeds has led me to be a force for truth, peace, and authenticity in their lives. They come to me to spark healing conversations and creative insights. Perhaps I have become the rich artist I have always dreamed of being.

What about me is about you?
This may have been my story, but as these things go, it’s everybody’s story, it’s your story too. What have you dedicated yourself to, consciously or unconsciously? What do you do no matter what? Is it what you intend? I hope so, because it will keep showing up in your life — the good and the bad — over and over until you reprogram your dedicated server.

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